Polyglot (adjective): A person who speaks, writes, and reads in multiple languages.
On this hallowed day, February 23, 2021, Dictionary.com assigned the above word, polyglot, as the word of the day! Many may consider themselves polyglots, but unfortunately knowledge of English and a scant understanding of Pig Latin does not qualify you as one. Famous celebrity polyglots include Audrey Hepburn, Shakira, and Natalie Portman (to name a few). While perusing the inter-web’s lists of polyglots, a common thread appears, an unsurprising one at that. A majority of the members of these lists come from multicultural backgrounds and have multiple nationalities of which they claim their citizenship. Although my rudimentary grasp of Spanish has served me well in a few situations, I grow ever fond of having a firmer hold on such a beautiful language. I still remain firmly rooted in my desire to better understand my own native language but I venture that becoming conversationally-fluent in Spanish, or any language, is necessary to better understanding the different facets of the human condition.
As a homage to “Wretched Writing: A Compendium of Crimes Against the English Language”, I will add an additional section to these scribbles. A wonderful book by Ross Petras and Kathryn Petras, they lay out the extremities of how to misuse the English language while making you laugh as the authors’ provide humorous commentary. I have decided to take their thought-provoking examples of wretched writings and apply a twist to how to properly write. Wretchedly.
As the Petras’ organize alphabetically, we will also work our way through these fun examples. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.
- Adjectives, excessive use of: The hazel and auburn, well groomed fur of handsome Stan shone brilliantly, as his endless, maddening eyes roamed playfully across the ghostly moonlit living room, further augmenting the dark pulsating shadows waxing and waning with the night’s ceaseless ebb towards a warm dawn.
- Adjectives, wrong: The Mad Catter Stan seductively thumbed the red button, in which succulent data sacs of nuclear codes are cradled, promises photosynthesizing towards a terraformed liter box.
- Alliteration, obsessive: A passionate, progressive, poetic pussy. He is Stan. Proudly pronounced as he perched precariously, preaching the primary premise of proactive preening prior to properly processing proctology practices.